My Students Say the Darndest Things (part 3?)

I'm too lazy to make sure that is the right number...

We were watching a video today on animal adaptations in desert animals (made in the 80s, but still very entertaining!) At one point they showed this beetle pushing sand out of a hole over and over.

Javan: Oooh look. He's packing his bags and gettin' outta there.

(Class laughs)

Dashawn: He's sick and tired of his wife cheatin' on him all the time!

(Class laughs, and I lose it as well...)

Oh my...

My Fading Injuries

It sure has been an injury-filled six months for me...

First in November I was helping my mom do some cleaning outside (wearing rubber flip flops... I never claimed to be the smartest girl...) when I stepped on a nail in a board that went about an inch and a half into my foot. This resulted in lots of bright red blood, an x-ray to make sure I hadn't hit bone or shoved a piece of rubber into my foot, a shot in the arm, lots of salt water soaks, and about a week of limping. Now there's not much left there to remind me of that painful day except a very faint scar and a knot in the middle of my foot.

Then came the fungus. I guess this isn't technically an injury, but whatever. I assume it came from my day at the spa (and no, I'm not scared to go back there) and this was a nice spa -- imagine what you could get at the lower-scale ones... Anyway -- it's fading pretty much with the help of a prescription cream but it's still a little red.

Finally the bruised biscuit. You will be happy to know that it is now turning a lovely shade of maroon around the edges and vomit green in the middle. Nice.

With six weeks of babysitting lined up with two different families this summer, I'm scared of what the future may hold...

My Bruised Biscuit

As if a fungus on my face wasn't enough...

This past Wednesday morning as I walked out to my car, my neighbor (who I haven't talked to since I moved here in December) was walking out to his car at the same time. This never happens -- coming or going -- which is why I haven't talked to him yet. That and I'm weird about talking to strangers. Anyway --

I hit the next to last step and my feet flew out from under me and I landed on the bottom step HARD! (Ice in April???? What in the world??) Of course my whole body was jarred and the part of the step the juts out horizontally really dug into my upper posterior. I exclaimed "OUCH!" (I was proud that something more rude didn't come out) and sat there waiting for neighbor-guy to say "Are you okay?" or "Can I help you?" But instead, what I heard was the sound of him going back into his house and shutting the door!!! He didn't even stick around to see if I was okay!!! I was so humiliated and then I was so ticked that he didn't even check on me! I mean, I am worried that if he hears me screaming he won't come check on me!

So, just hours later I was already feeling it. My upper biscuit was swollen and a bruise formed immediately. By the next day, this bruise was about 7 inches by 4 inches and so dark purple it was basically black. It's been almost a week and I'm still sore (I mean, how much recovery time do you really get on your bottom? I mean, you sit on it!!) but the bruise is just starting to turn green/yellow around the edges. Believe me, I wish it wasn't completely inappropriate to show it everyone because I really would. It's THAT impressive!

I'm still contemplating taking a picture of it just to have for myself.

My Cooties

The day of my birthday spa outing (which I meant to post about... but I haven't gotten the pics from Lee yet with all the baby excitement), I developed what I thought was a zit on my face. By Sunday, it was kinda scary looking so I thought it had just gotten infected. So, I put a bandaid on it with some antibiotic ointment.

On Monday, it was looking more like a blister. I went down the the nurse assistant at my school and showed it to her. Her reaction was "Yuck!" Very reassuring. By this point that I was convinced that a spider had laid its eggs in my face. So, I called and made an appointment for after school and after he checked it out, he said it was an infected or irritated sebaceous gland which developed into a cyst. He gave me an antibiotic for ten days, but a week later... this is what we have.


Like the pained expression? It's fake. :) But I AM very irritated that it is still there and I'm not sure it's going anywhere fast... It's also very itchy lately.

So, I headed back to the doctor today. He scraped my face with a scapel blade (not as scary as it sounds) and checked it out. And the verdict...

I HAVE A FUNGUS ON MY FACE!!!! FUNGUS, PEOPLE! Like athlete's foot on my face!!! FUNGUS!!!!

So, I guess I'll just spray some "tough actin' Tinactin" on my face. And then maybe John Madden will show up at my house. Or at least that guy Josh Simmons likes so much that acts like John Madden all the time...




Or I'll use the prescription. Whatever.

My Jewelry

For the past couple of years I've been making beaded jewelry. I mostly use glass beads (sometimes wooden) and it's become a hobby that I really enjoy. I sell a lot of my stuff, give some as gifts, and of course, keep some for myself! For those of you who might be curious, here are some of my latest and favorites lanyards and necklaces. (I'm realizing that they don't look quite as pretty in the pictures... but I mean, it's my "okay" camera and the background is the futon in my office, so what do you expect, right?)

My Students Say the Darndest Things, Dustin Style

Oh, and here's a gem from Dustin:

Me: Okay, problem number 4. Mario has four rolls of quarters. Each roll of quarters is worth $10 and has 40 quarters in it. Which expression will help you figure out how many quarters Mario has? Now, we have to be careful to look at the question itself here: how many quarters does Mario have, not how much money does he have. (More explanation and discussion about which numbers to focus on, underlining key words, yada, yada, yada...) So, look at your answer choices. They are trying to trick you! One will show how much money, but we need to know the number of quarters. Who thinks they know which is the correct answer choice?

(Many hands go up. Dustin's is the most excited arm, so...)

Me: Dustin?

Dustin: Did you just say Mario of the mushroom kingdom?

Whew. What a day...

My Students Say the Darndest Things (take two)

So, I'm not sure if this tale will translate well on a blog. I'm sure it's way funnier with my impressions of my students, the visuals and the sound effects instead of my description of the action and my brilliant use of onomatopoeia. (And folks, I just have to brag that I spelled that word on my own! I mean, I double checked myself... I'm no fool... but I spelled it correctly!)

But I digress...

Today during our 2:00 bathroom break I had the following exchange with some boys in my class:

Kyle: Ms. M, Dashawn came over to me in the bathroom and called me the C word.

(Ms. M's brain: Oh my Lord! What C word do my fourth graders know??? EW EW EW!)

Ms. M's mouth: Um, Kyle, what C word? I mean, can you spell it or give me a better clue here?

Kyle: He called me a white C word -- you know, the N word for white people. (That would be cracker...)

(Ms. M's brain: OH THANK YOU LORD!)

Ms. M's mouth: Hmm. I'll talk to him.

(Dashawn comes into the hallway.)

Ms. M's mouth: Dashawn, what did you call Kyle?

Dashawn: I didn't call him nuthin'!

(Ms. M's brain: Yeah right.)

Ms. M's mouth: Come on Dashawn. What did you call him?

Dashawn: Nuthin'!

Ms. M's mouth: Think about it really hard. Just be honest.

Dashawn: I didn't!

(Ms. M's brain: I know you kid, and you are lying!)

Ms. M's mouth: So, I guess you were just hanging out in the bathroom talking about cheese and crackers?

Dashawn: What? (Looks very confused.) No. (Look of realization on his face.) Yeah, he threw soap in my face and I said "You eat cheese and crackers."

(Ms. M's brain: Oh my heavens, is he really going to try this???)

Ms. M's mouth: Dashawn... come on! You did not say that to him! That is just crazy and doesn't even make sense!

Dashawn: I did! He kept throwing soap in my face and I said "You eat crackers. You eat cheese and crackers."

(I call the bathroom monitor and Kyle in the hallway.)

Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, were you throwing soap in Dashawn's face?

Kyle: NO!

Dashawn: Yes you did! You were flicking it at my face.

(Ms. M's brain: These are two of the biggest fibbers in my room...what the heck am I going to do?)

Ms. M's mouth: James (bathroom monitor), did you see anything?

James: No, I was trying to keep Kalen from coming in the bathroom.

Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, seriously, did you get soap on him, on purpose or on accident?

Kyle: No! I just washed my hands. He was at the other sink anyway!

(Ms. Ms brain: These sinks are like 6 inches apart. Not a great argument...)

Dashawn: You were slapping your hands together like this (CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!) and soap went all over the place.

Kyle: No I didn't! I just washed my hands.

(Ms. M's brain: I smell the smoke of a liar, liar whose pants are on fire... but which pants?)

Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, is it possible that you weren't being as careful as you could have with the soap?

Dashawn interrupts: Yeah, you were all slapping it around like this (CLAP! CLAP!) and it got on my face.

Kyle: No, I was washing my hands like this (rubs hands together with a couple small claps in between-- rubrubrubclaprubrubclaprubclaprubrub)

(Ms. M's brain: You've got to be kidding me... how is he keeping a straight face?)

Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, why would you clap your hands while you are washing? When I wash my hands I just go (rubrubrubrubrubrubrubrubrub), there are no claps in between. I see no need for clapping while you rub.

Kyle: It was just barely a clap!

Ms. M's mouth: Well, even barely a clap can make a mess and I don't think you want to join Mr. Blair in cleaning up the mirrors in the afternoons, do you?

Kyle: No.

Ms. M's mouth: And Dashawn, even if he did get some soap on you, that is no reason to say he eats cheese and crackers or whatever you said.

Kyle: (looking extremely confused) That's not what he said...he called me the C word...

(Ms. M's brain: Yeah, I know, but you both tell me fibs so what can I do? Hold your hand in the bathroom?)

Ms. M's mouth: No, no, no... doesn't matter. Whatever. Just don't call names and don't clap your hands when you wash them, got it?

(Ms. M's brain: Four years of college and THIS is the kind of conversation I get to have at work? People in "real world jobs" just have no idea...)