So, I'm not sure if this tale will translate well on a blog. I'm sure it's way funnier with my impressions of my students, the visuals and the sound effects instead of my description of the action and my brilliant use of onomatopoeia. (And folks, I just have to brag that I spelled that word on my own! I mean, I double checked myself... I'm no fool... but I spelled it correctly!)
But I digress...
Today during our 2:00 bathroom break I had the following exchange with some boys in my class:
Kyle: Ms. M, Dashawn came over to me in the bathroom and called me the C word.
(Ms. M's brain: Oh my Lord! What C word do my fourth graders know??? EW EW EW!)
Ms. M's mouth: Um, Kyle, what C word? I mean, can you spell it or give me a better clue here?
Kyle: He called me a white C word -- you know, the N word for white people. (That would be cracker...)
(Ms. M's brain: OH THANK YOU LORD!)
Ms. M's mouth: Hmm. I'll talk to him.
(Dashawn comes into the hallway.)
Ms. M's mouth: Dashawn, what did you call Kyle?
Dashawn: I didn't call him nuthin'!
(Ms. M's brain: Yeah right.)
Ms. M's mouth: Come on Dashawn. What did you call him?
Dashawn: Nuthin'!
Ms. M's mouth: Think about it really hard. Just be honest.
Dashawn: I didn't!
(Ms. M's brain: I know you kid, and you are lying!)
Ms. M's mouth: So, I guess you were just hanging out in the bathroom talking about cheese and crackers?
Dashawn: What? (Looks very confused.) No. (Look of realization on his face.) Yeah, he threw soap in my face and I said "You eat cheese and crackers."
(Ms. M's brain: Oh my heavens, is he really going to try this???)
Ms. M's mouth: Dashawn... come on! You did not say that to him! That is just crazy and doesn't even make sense!
Dashawn: I did! He kept throwing soap in my face and I said "You eat crackers. You eat cheese and crackers."
(I call the bathroom monitor and Kyle in the hallway.)
Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, were you throwing soap in Dashawn's face?
Kyle: NO!
Dashawn: Yes you did! You were flicking it at my face.
(Ms. M's brain: These are two of the biggest fibbers in my room...what the heck am I going to do?)
Ms. M's mouth: James (bathroom monitor), did you see anything?
James: No, I was trying to keep Kalen from coming in the bathroom.
Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, seriously, did you get soap on him, on purpose or on accident?
Kyle: No! I just washed my hands. He was at the other sink anyway!
(Ms. Ms brain: These sinks are like 6 inches apart. Not a great argument...)
Dashawn: You were slapping your hands together like this (CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!) and soap went all over the place.
Kyle: No I didn't! I just washed my hands.
(Ms. M's brain: I smell the smoke of a liar, liar whose pants are on fire... but which pants?)
Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, is it possible that you weren't being as careful as you could have with the soap?
Dashawn interrupts: Yeah, you were all slapping it around like this (CLAP! CLAP!) and it got on my face.
Kyle: No, I was washing my hands like this (rubs hands together with a couple small claps in between-- rubrubrubclaprubrubclaprubclaprubrub)
(Ms. M's brain: You've got to be kidding me... how is he keeping a straight face?)
Ms. M's mouth: Kyle, why would you clap your hands while you are washing? When I wash my hands I just go (rubrubrubrubrubrubrubrubrub), there are no claps in between. I see no need for clapping while you rub.
Kyle: It was just barely a clap!
Ms. M's mouth: Well, even barely a clap can make a mess and I don't think you want to join Mr. Blair in cleaning up the mirrors in the afternoons, do you?
Kyle: No.
Ms. M's mouth: And Dashawn, even if he did get some soap on you, that is no reason to say he eats cheese and crackers or whatever you said.
Kyle: (looking extremely confused) That's not what he said...he called me the C word...
(Ms. M's brain: Yeah, I know, but you both tell me fibs so what can I do? Hold your hand in the bathroom?)
Ms. M's mouth: No, no, no... doesn't matter. Whatever. Just don't call names and don't clap your hands when you wash them, got it?
(Ms. M's brain: Four years of college and THIS is the kind of conversation I get to have at work? People in "real world jobs" just have no idea...)
The year of 11
8 years ago
5 comments:
That transalted very well on your blog!! I rather enjoyed it and now feel a little better about the kinds of conversations MY 4 year degree gets ME.... "Elijah, why are you pulling Patches' tail once again? You KNOW she's going to scratch you"
Thanks for the laugh... I imagined how you sounded doing your impressions... LOL
Wow, so much better than I would have handled it. I would have crammed their mouths full of cheese and crackers and then clapped soapy water all over them, all while screaming "see how this feels!"
I can't wait to be a dad...
OMG! That's priceless! You have some really funny kids this year. You need to write a book, or a blog....Wait a minute, you already do.
I love your story! Ah, to know that 8th graders are not the only children who lie about what they said/did in the bathroom. (Except in this case its usualy much worse than cheese and crackers).
well, at least you get to have all your conversations in english, cracker! LOVE you! write me.
//jo
Post a Comment