My Students Say the Darndest Things

This entire blog could easily consist of the insanely funny things that my students say and do on a daily basis. Heck, I could fill a blog with just the things that Dustin* says! So, sit back and enjoy installment number one of My Students Say the Darndest Things: Dustin edition.
[Note: These stories are even more effective when told in my "Dustin voice". He's got a pretty distinctive voice, and I'm pretty good at it. :)]
* Names have been changed to protect the autistic...

Me: Dustin, where have you been? It shouldn't have taken you that long in the restroom.
Dustin: Well, Ms. M, I had to put some more poop in the toilet.

Me: Dustin, you moved your clip too many times today. You were rude to Ms. Walker, you spoke out in class, and you didn't listen in art. I can't give you your privleges slip today.
Dustin: Well, then I QUIT!
Me: Quit what?
Dustin: I quit the fourth grade!
Other Student: You can't quit the fourth grade. You won't get a job.
Dustin: I don't need a job. I live with my mom and dad.
Me: Dustin, you can't quit the fourth grade just because you are mad. And besides, who would stay with you while your mom and dad are working?
Dustin: I'd pay Ms. Walker to be my babysitter.
Me: Dustin, she can't do that. She works here!
Dustin: Well, just take me to Mrs. Jolly so she can expel me.

Me: Paige, if you're moving to another school, I need your mom to write me a note about when your last day will be. I need her to give me a date.
Dustin: BAH! Ms. M! You can't date her mom, she's a GIRL!